| The last six months |
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| 02:57pm 28/10/2009 |
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mood:  contemplative
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Much has changed in my life... It's interesting what half a year can do...hummm.... Many amazing things have happend and some not so awesome. I'm the happiest, the most free, and the most in tune I've ever been but yet I miss my friends who said that they would always love me no matter what. I know that I may not have handled somethings in the best fashion but I've accepted that and am moving on. I know that there is nothing that I can do to ever make up for the mistakes but "I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes...." Ah gotta love P!nk's lyrics... How true.... But more than anything in the world I do wish those that I've hurt the best in life and more love than they could ever ask for. You will always be in my heart and soul. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you but I know you know that.
To my friends out there in cyberland.... I still love and miss you terribly whatever you may think of me. I will always be here for you and you will always have me as a friend if/when you EVER need to reach out to me. I don't hold any hard feelings and I do understand. All I ask is that you at least give me a chance to listen to my side of the story before passing judgements. There are always two sides to everything and I would love to be at least given a chance to speak that to you. For those few of you who have stepped up and talked to me about how I'm doing. Thanks! You have know idea what that ment to me. I love you for that.
I've stayed quiet about everything for so long because I didn't what to get into a character debate. I was trying to make it so that friends didn't feel like they had to choose. But by staying silent it seems like I've lost everyone who said that they would never choose sides and would always care about me too. It's like a Catch 22.....
It's interesting how reflective I've become on my life and how many things have changed but I'm looking forward to my future and what may come of it. I love being loved, respected, cared for, and honored. It's amazing all of these feelings I'm having and have missed in my life. So whatever the future brings... I'm ready! I'm loving life and just hope that others will some day want to join me on my journey. |
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| Ahhhh summer bliss |
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| 01:09pm 27/05/2008 |
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YES, school is over!!! Yes, I've been sicker than anything. Yes, I'm much better now but not 100%. Yes, my best friend at school is in labor as we speak! I'd be there but sickness near infants in not a good idea.
And yes.... I've lost my best friend from high school and of 10 years. No, not to death but to ignorance. I feel like I'm in a state of mourning as if she has passed away. To make the story shortish she basically said that she could not condone a marriage that is morally wrong and not only could she not be my maid of honor she could not even be physically at the wedding. I want you to imagine and insert every ignorant and hypocritical/homophobic thought here. She said that she "loves" Theresa and I and doesn't doubt that we love each other but she can't support our wedding. She said that she isn't homophobic and has "tons of gay friends" but that I'm the first person to make this "choice that is not conducive to Gods plan". When I reminded her that God made me gay and that God loves me for me and that being gay IS NOT A CHOICE she didn't really know what to say to that. I asked her what are you going to do when your other friends find the person that they want to spend the rest of their life with and decide to get married and make that commitment. She said that she would deal with it when she got there. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The one person that I thought would understand and back me up through everything will not even be at the most important day of my life. Friends that I love (and greatly appreciate) but have known for a fraction of the time have been nothing but excited for us.
I guess that the phrase holds true, "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." I hope that some day we can get past this and be friends again but I'm at the point in my life where I have to be closeted because of my career, but I REFUSE to be closeted in my personal life. I will not surround myself with people who are not opened minded and support me in my daily life.
Other than that sadness I'm enjoying have time for me and to get back to what I enjoy in life... Adios for now.... |
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| NEWS NEWS AND MORE NEWS!! |
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| 03:21pm 19/03/2008 |
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mood:  relaxed music: HGTV yes I'm a nerd
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Gosh it's been forever since I posted on here. Anyway... Things in my life have truly been crazy. For those of you who haven't heard yet... WE BOUGHT A HOUSE!! We've been to the design center to pick out all of the pretty colors, tile, cabinets, etc!! It's amazing and scary but we're pretty excited. We're hoping to be able to find a roommate but we do realize that it is Buckeye... lol...
I'm also in the middle of directing my second show at Verrado, Harvey! The show goes up in three weeks and things are INSANE! But the kids are amazing and I'm really excited for them and for the performances. If you're interested in coming to see the show it will be April 10, 11, and 12 at 7pm!
Being on spring break has been amazing and a much needed break. I'm finally able to get some of my sanity back and the crazy thing is that once this week is over, I know that the end of my first year teaching will come to a halt a bit quicker than I thought it would. For this summer I'm going to be working a little extra and completing some curriculum mapping. I'm also hoping to get picked up to teach summer school, but we'll see. They base it off of seniority. I just really don't want to go back into retail if I don't have too!
Theresa and I couldn't be happier with everything and are looking forward to our first REAL place as a couple! Also, we've both changed our phone numbers. If you need to get a hold of me, mine is 623-556-6164. GIMME A CALL!! Off to grade some papers... uggggg |
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| Sick... |
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| 08:52am 26/12/2007 |
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mood:  worried
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long story short and in girl code....
My body HATES me and I've had a "problem" going on week 8 now. I've been to the doctor and they are waiting to see what the Ultrasound says. So....
This morning I've been drinking TONS of H2O and I know I'm going to burst. I have my Ultrasound this morning at 9:45.... GRRRRR!!!
And no... Theresa did not get me pregnant! lol... I wish that was it....
This sucks.... |
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| THE BEST NEWS EVER!!!! |
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| 01:23pm 03/12/2007 |
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For those of you who have not heard...
THERESA AND I ARE ENGAGED!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYYA!
She proposed the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and it's was amazing and perfect and wonderful!! We're not going to get married for another year and a half to two years, but it's real and exciting and yepp!! So for all of you recent brides out there, I'm going to be ask for some advice sometime soon!
There is so much more to update, but I'm tired and need to rest.
I'm home sick from school today...
Later and love everyone! |
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| Junior High |
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| 02:05pm 02/04/2007 |
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mood:  aggravated music: students talking
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Dear Jr. High Students,
WHY DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE ME CRAZY!?! Is it because I'm the sub? Perhaps... Is it because your hormones are raging and you like to give me attitute?? WHAT THE **** is it??? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Thank you for convincing me that I love high school even more! Elementary is even looking great at this point! Do you get the point?
Ok... that is all...
Your Sub |
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| GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!! |
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| 11:54am 16/03/2007 |
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mood:  cranky music: Silent
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Well, I thought today was going to be agood day....
My cell phone has been stolen from Coconino High School! I left my first hour room to go to my second hour room and realized I didn't have it with me. When I sent my TA back to the first hour class to grab it for me, she came back saying that it wasn't in the room and that the teacher currently in the class had not seen it. So it must have been stolen in the time I left the room until the time the other teacher entered the room which was literally about 2-3 minutes. I don't know who would have taken it. It was either random kids or students in my first hour. So during lunch/3rd Hour Prep (which is still going on) I called Verizon and had them suspend the phone so that calls cannot be made on it, a police officer came by to make the report, and I called the insurance company to file the claim. The good news I get the phone on Monday! The bad news is that I'm phoneless until Monday and that I had to pay $50 to the insurance company as my deductible. If the phone does turn up today then I'll get my money back, but I doubt that's going to happen.
It's just so aggravating!!! In other news... Thank GOD FOR SPRING BREAK!!! I'm going to be working a ton at Dillards, but at least I'll get to sleep in! |
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| It's finally caught up with me... |
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| 03:20pm 26/12/2006 |
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mood:  sick
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So my record of not being sick this semester was broken last night. After we got done hanging out with Liz and Abby I got so sick that I don't really know what sleep is.
Jos~ I'm in your same situation honey! AND IT SUCKS!!
I pucked all night last night and had a shitty both ends experiance. I'm not pucking anymore but I am now running a fever... I really hope that this goes away by tomorrow because I have to go back to the high school. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to drive so far. I'm just worried about making it through the day. Also, I had to call out of work...grrrr we need the money... oh well... THank god I have someone amazing to take care of me.
Off to lay down again... |
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| Arizona judge rejects challenge to antigay amendment proposal |
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| 12:33pm 13/08/2006 |
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mood:  annoyed music: thunder
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A judge on Thursday rejected a legal challenge to an initiative that would ban same-sex marriage and ruled that the proposed state constitutional measure can go on Arizona's November 7 general election ballot. Judge Douglas Rayes of Maricopa County superior court rejected opponents' argument that the Protect Marriage Arizona initiative, which would appear on the ballot as Proposition 107, violated a constitutional requirement that each constitutional amendment be a separate ballot measure.
The opposition Arizona Together campaign said it will appeal Rayes's ruling to the Arizona supreme court. The measure would define marriage as a union between one man and one woman and prohibit state and local governments from providing marriage-like legal status to other relationships.
Supporters acknowledged that a second provision would eliminate domestic-partner benefits provided by some Arizona local governments, and opponents of that provision say it should be a separate constitutional amendment because some voters would favor one part of the amendment but not the other.
However, Rayes said the measure satisfies the single-amendment requirement. Both provisions "have but one purpose, the protection of marriage by preventing redefinition and extension of official status to marriage substitutes," he wrote.
Glen Lavy, an attorney for initiative supporters, pledged to oppose the opponents' planned appeal and called their challenge "just another desperate attempt to evade the democratic process by those who advocate redefining marriage."
State representative Kirsten Sinema, a Phoenix Democrat who heads the Arizona Together campaign, said Rayes's ultimate conclusion was wrong but that it was significant that he noted supporters' acknowledged the ban on partner benefits. The initiative "is not about protection against same-sex marriage. It is about banning domestic-partner benefits," Sinema said. (AP) |
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| GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR |
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| 10:19am 08/08/2006 |
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mood:  calm
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NAU FINANCIAL AID CAN SUCK MY ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! THIS IS THE LAST SEMESTER OF THIS CRAP!! THANK GOD...... anyway... off to work... |
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| An early Sunday morning... |
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| 07:30am 30/07/2006 |
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mood:  awake music: birds churping
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As I've been preparing to student teach I've notice that I'm become a bit more anal in certain ways and it's interesting to me. It's like my body knows that it's time for me to grow up and get that "grown up" career. I woke up this morning at 6:45am and started thinking about graduation and since I wasn't tired I figured this would be a good time as any to look at the NAU graduation website. I can't believe it's already here. It seems very bizzar to me, not that I'm not excited, but ya know. All of you past (recent) graduates can understand. I'm ready to grow up but come the spring I know that it will be strange not going to class and not having to worry about keep my GPA up and all of that stuff. I am happy that I will still remain in Flagstaff, because I think it might be to much of drastic change for this person who often hates change. I also know that I would be VERY sad to be seperated from my girlfriend and sisters/brothers. Anyway....
On a happier note... Theresa and I went to Slide Rock yesterday and yes ladies and gents for the first time EVER I actually went down slide rock. It took much coaxing my my dear girl (THANKS!) but I did it!! I dunno I'm a scaredy cat...lol... but we had sooooo much fun yesterday. Just hiking around there and playing in the water!! It was nice to get away from Flagstaff. We had dinner at the Oak Creek Brewery and the food was good but the service was not... oh well.. Oh the drive back up we hit all of the flash flooding that was going on around the area. We were driving up the switch backs (89A) and truly almost died. We're fine, the cars fine. But I had to pull off the road about three times because the rain was coming down so hard that I could not see anything in front of me. I've never driven in weather conditions like that before and never want to again. Needless to say by the time we got home I was almost histerical (I know I know very DQ like) but if this had been you, trust me you'd be in the same situation. We were very tired and happy to be home so we went to sleep at 9:30 on a Saturday... I know sad... but that explains why I'm up so early... I need to get used to this anyway... lol...
In other news I'm assistant directing the next play at Theatrikos called, "And Then They Came for Me." Which is a story about Anne Frank. Auditions are tonight at 6:30 until 9pm at Theatrikos if ya'll are interested!!
Okie gotta go... Much love! |
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| SO MUCH STUFF GOING ON! |
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| 05:30pm 09/06/2006 |
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mood:  Scarred about the AEPA music: people typing in the library
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Well we've all moved into our new apartment which is beautiful. We unfortunatly had to get rid of Sydney and she is now at the Coconino Humane Society. Sad face but best for all those concerned. We still need to clean and move a few small things over from the old house and we don't have internet at the new apartment until Monday which is why I'm at Cline checking everything online and posting (and yes studying).
Last weekend my Dad and Stepmom were in town and got to meet my beautiful girlfriend. The visit went over MUCH better than I had expected it too and they both love her. Not that I really had any doubts. My stepmom told her, "Welcome to the family hun". And by the third day of their visit my parents hugged her!!! YAY FOR FAMILIES BEING ACCEPTING!!
Tomorrow is two VERY important events. One: PRIDE IN THE PINES of course. Which will be super fun and hopefully not get rained out this year.
Secondly: the more important of the two I'm taking the AEPA which for those of you don't know is the Arizona exam to recieve your teaching certification. AHHHHHHH!! The practical knowledge portion is at 8am and the English portion is at 1pm. So that kinda puts a damper on my PRIDE day but I've been studying my butt off and will give me something else just as important to celebrate!!
Well, I'm off to get some #2 pencils..lol.. Call my cell if you need to get a hold of me because the internet is pretty hit and miss. Gotta jet!!
Much love.... Me |
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| Lesbian Stereotyping in the Workplace |
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| 09:00pm 21/05/2006 |
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mood:  disappointed
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So I'm at work last night and it's a slow night so all of the girls are just standing around chatting and such. The subject of the Vagina Monologues comes up and one of my co-workers has no idea what the monologues are or what they mean, etc... First off you have to understand that she is an extrememly conservative, African-American, Southern Babtist woman who is strong in her opinion and from Virginia. Now don't get me wrong I do like her but she's very conservative and has no idea about myself, when I'm out to almost all of my other co-workers. Anyway, back on the story. I work with Chanel who was in the monologues two years ago and she was explaning the Choochi Snorcher monologue to Shanna (conservative woman) and the different stages of it and how she realizes she's a lesbian and such.
To which Shanna replies, "well, girl ya'll know why she was probably a lesbian right? It's because she was raped as a child and has hated men ever since and so she decided to go down the wrong path and become a lesbian. That's why because of the rape and she doesn't know any better..."
Ummmmmm... WHAT THE FUCK!! In that split second Chanel changed the subject and my other co-workers just kinda looked at me... I was grateful for Chanel.. I can't believe that people are so narrow minded.
I am a lesbian, I have never been raped, I do not hate men, and I love women. So what does that make me Shanna?? GRRRRRRRRRRR |
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| Blah.... |
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| 04:03pm 29/03/2006 |
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mood:  blah
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the weather is just that... kinda blah.. if it's going to snow than snow... grrr.. oh well.. just got done cleaning my room and our bathroom. it's so nice having a clean space again. the livingroom and kitchen are going to have to wait until tonight after i get off work or tomorrow after my classes. It just seems like this is never going to end and that we are in a constant state of messiness. Between the dogs, cat, and just every day living it makes a person want to scream. There never seems to be enough hours in the day to get done everything that I would like done.
I have to work tonight and be in classes all day tomorrow... then it is packing time, cleaning out the car, and getting to sleep early, since we are leaving at 5:30am on Friday morning for convention!! I'm looking forward to going, especially since this is my last one being an active sister. I just wish that we had more money than we do... that would make things so much easier. Oh well... After this trip we won't be going anywhere for a while, which is good. We need to start saving our pennys in hopes to go to Omaha this summer to visit Theresa's family! Well, I need to get into the CLEAN shower and head to work.
AUDREY I KNOW I SUCK BUT I PROMISE I'LL GET IN CONTACT WITH YOU SOON!! I love you big sis! and the baby picture was awsome!! |
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| Busy..... but lovin' it! |
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| 12:55pm 15/03/2006 |
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mood:  bouncy music: Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone ~ Notting Hill
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I've been working at Dillards for 3 weeks now and am loving it. The girls I work with are super cool and I've even come out to a few of them. They have given Theresa and I the "Cutest Couple of the Year Award" lol.. Thanks to Jules who works at the Clinique counter. She's freaking awsome so those of you who love and need make-up please buy it from her so that she can do well on her sales! Also, I love that I get paid EVERY week!! Anywho... the snow has been fun, but I'm kinda over it and want it to be spring so that the shorts and skirt wearing can start!
Theresa and I have been hanging with the (other than Jess & Jenny) cutiest lesbian couple ever! Chris and Kristen are so much fun to hang with. We had Dennys with them Saturday night and they came over to the house on Monday night to watch the L Word with us. Today I have a femme date with Miss Kristen at Campus Coffee Bean, which should be fun. We have really clicked and it's nice getting to know someone new who is similar to you. No I'm not replacing my bestest friend Lisa, but it's just nice ya know? They're a fun couple.
In less than a week Theresa and I will be leaving to meet my parents in LAS VEGAS!!! I can't wait this is my first time driving to Vegas and going anywhere fun for spring break in the 5 years I've been in college, so needless to say I'm very excited! Well, besides that fact that I'm going to be able to see the mommies also!
Well, I need to get back to some homework!! YAY ENG 400 and the HUGENESS of this unit!! |
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| Accomplished.... |
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| 01:19pm 27/02/2006 |
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mood:  accomplished
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Woke up today...
cleaned the DISGUSTINGNESS that was our kitchen... it was awful.. but it's pretty now
cleaned my room/bathroom
made some yummy lunch
cleaned off my desk
and still need to put my clothes away before I head to work.. oh yes I'm working at Dillards now in the fragrance department! I had training this past Thursday and Friday and had my first real shift on Saturday. I'm enjoying even though I'm sad about being back in retail. Although at least I don't have to worry about fitting rooms and hanging clothes up after people who don't hang anything up... And I get to smell pretty perfumes, even though at the end of the night you can't tell what perfume I went into work wearing because I smell like them all... lol.. oh well..
After work tonight I have to go to a group meeting at the English building for my Natzi English class tomorrow. We're the first ones to present and really want to/have to do a great job. It's going to be a long night, but at least some pressure will be off after tomorrow. Okie ya'll need to get some homework don't before real work. |
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| Much happier news.... |
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| 06:25pm 20/02/2006 |
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Last week I had an interview with Dillards and Wells Fargo, both went VERY well. I was called on this past Thursday for a second interview with Wells Fargo for this coming Wednesday!! YAY!! Today I was called and offered the job in the fragrance department with Dillards. I did inform the Human Resources manager of Dillards that I had a prior commitment with another company for a second round interview and that I would be able to give them my answer by Thursday morning at the latest. Dillards is understanding and willing to let me have part of Spring Break off so that I can go to Vegas to see my family. But I am worried about telling them that I need the first weekend in April off for convention, but I'm sure they will understand. At Dillards you are guaranteed at least one WHOLE weekend off a month and so I would just ask that the Convention weekend would be my weekend off in April. The pay is great also at $9/hr. Which is significantly better than the hotel. Thank GOD!!
However, the job that I REALLY REALLY want is Wells Fargo because the hours are ideal (this branch, which is in the Frys on 66, is only open Mon-Sat 9am to 6pm & Closed on Sundays), I would start at a MINIMUM at $10/hr plus full benefits after being there for a month. But again I'm worried about telling them about about the Spring Break and Convention issues. Hopefully if they offer me the job they will understand.
At least after Wednesday I won't be unemployed. Not that it hasn't been kinda fun not worrying about a job, but it will be great to have money again! Also, at least I wouldn't have to work really early or really lateat either job. And now that Theresa and I have two sperate jobs we should be able to get time off together a bit easier.
I guess everything happens for a reason... YAY... okie back to homework... |
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| Ups and downs.... |
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| 03:09pm 29/01/2006 |
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mood:  hurt music: Beatles #1's
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Want to hear the good news or the bad news? Well I'm starting with bad...
I'm posting this on my lj not for a pitty party, but for the reason so that I don't have to repeat myself a million times.
I got fired last night from the Fairfield... yes thats right... me... a really hard worker... who sacrafised so much for this place to only be royally fucked in the end.... details? well, to make a long story as sort as possible Collin (assistant manager) told me that because I didn't authorize a credit card (which I did, fucking computer error) a customer walked out without paying and because I booked to many rooms (during our slow season when we NEVER sell out) for a group that was coming in I was being fired. Now explain that one to me? I understand that Arizona is a "right to work" state, which means that you can be fired with or without reasoning, and I even understand having to cut back hours and such but GODDAMMIT!!!! It really affected me harder than anyone (other than Theresa) could immagine. I started second guessing myself about becoming a teacher or even being up at NAU. I was ready to quit school in that one second, but luckly Theresa was able to calm me down and talk some sense in me. I really freaked out and I not only scared my girlfriend, but I scared myself. All of my faults and failures in my past just kept (and still are) running through my head. And I kept thinking that if I can't even keep a fucking hotel job, which I really liked, how am I going to be able to handle children and theatre which I love???? Because I couldn't live with myself if I got fired from teaching also.... Collin came into work and told me at 6pmish last night. I have never been so dissapointed and upset with myself. The really sick thing is that I even told Collin that he was the best manager I'd ever had and chewed him out in the nicest fashion possible... I was so hurt I couldn't even be angry.... I didn't get angry until I was about to walk out the door and Collin asked me to sign the write up form telling the company what I had "done wrong". fuck him... and the hotel....
I had to drive home... I don't even know how I got home without killing myself on I-40.
On the upside I had been thinking about quiting and had a job interview at Wells Fargo a couple of days ago. But it was mainly just to see whatever was out there and IF I was going to quit the hotel it wouldn't have been until I secured a new job. The interview went well and now it's at the point where I'm praying that I got that job, because if not then I'm fucked even more. I'll be applying for everything I can get my hands on. The bank would be perfect though because I wouldn't have to work nights or weekends and the lowest starting pay I would get would be $10/hour. So to be a John Mayer song cliche, maybe everything does really happen for a reason.
Let the rumor mill commence....
Other than the shittyness of last night.... I have had the most amazing birthday weekend ever!!! Thanks to my girlfriend who I can't thank enough.
She surprised me on Friday morning and kidnapped me to Sedona and gave me AZ lottery scrachers!! We went to lunch at the Euro Deli (yumm) and went on our first Pink Jeep Tour. We had a blast!! Even though we froze our butts off... lol.. She then took me to this Bed & Breakfast that we have wanted to stay at forever. If you want to check it out here is the website www.lodgeatsedona.com !! We checked in and the room was perfect and cozy. We then had to hurry and drive back up to Flagstaff to get Tammy and her boyfriend Andrew because they were coming to stay with us there and didn't know where to go. So we picked them up. We got back to the B&B and checked them into their room. Went to dinner and over all I've had the best birthday to date. Yesterday check out was at 11am and I had to work at 3 so we drive back up 89A so I could get there... After what had happend we should have just stayed in the beauty... oh well... I couldn't have asked for a better surprise or time!! And my birthday isn't even until tomorrow... I'm starting to feel better, but it's been hard...
Thanks for reading... |
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| Podunk Mountain Town |
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| 11:38pm 14/01/2006 |
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mood:  sleepy music: Crazy Little Thing Called Love ~ Micheal Buble
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We're back from Hawaii... We're exhauseted from driving up to Flagstaff today... And grocery shopping... And taking care of the dogs... And cleaning parts of the house... And unpacking...
We had an amazing time and can't wait to go back. Although I missed Flag a bit along with friends and such. I'm happy to be here but I don't want to be jet lagged any more. Oh well... I need to finish clearing off my bed and get some sleepy time.
ALSO!! If anyone would like to get together to do some hanging out on Monday before classes start on Tuesday that would be wonderful!! Give me a call and let me know.
ALSO AGAIN!! I have presents for my wonderful 3 little sisters, a birthday present for Miss Flamer, and a special sexy lei for a Pegisus. Just let me know when I can get this stuff to ya'll.
Night all... |
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